I just had epiphany.

I'm an advocate for anything IV or Christian fellowship related...Bible study, large-group meetings and all the picnics, and all the "community fun-time" that goes with it. But, on the other hand, I'm a firm believer that good works don't give you salvation - if you read the book of James, you'll see that's pretty evident. I always always tell people that's it not about good works - like tithing or going to church or anything of those things.

What I realized just now is that I still really encourage Christians to do these things. If they don't go to IV for a while, it's not like I think they are lesser of a person, but I do think less of their spirituality, like I get worried. I know how easy it is to fall away and get swept up in all the crap you do. It's really really easy to forget God, and I just don't want that to happen.

I'm afraid people think I'm being legalistic, but I don't mean to...I'm just worried for you. I want you to be surrounded by Christian community and bring you into the presence of God so you can deal with what you need to. I never meant to sound legalistic...I just care about your heart.

The other day, as I walking though all the snow, trying to watch my step and not fall on my darry-air, I realized a startling truth about my present situation. The snow was very slippery as it was covered in a thickish layer of ice. So I was walking on snow and ice, aka water. So if I wanted to..I could start my post... "The other day, as I was walking on water..."

Words are so silly sometimes. Description is too. That's especially evident when you want to explain a feeling or an experience that isn't possible to spell out. I wish I could just spill my aura on this page, for everyone to just sniff or feel and be able to comprehend it...because it's not something you can read, or even see. Because if I tell you it makes me want to stay up all night, or cry, or clean my room or give up or cry out or expain, then you have an idea...that it's something I can't write. And as I try to explain and let you understand how I feel, you read my "thoughts", you think I'm overdramatizing the situation...but it's an explanation for goodness sake. Bear with me - this is my life.